Creator of All

Today and last night were especially hard. In a lot of ways, I feel like I'm back at the beginning of Trey leaving, but then I think about how it's been almost a week since I dropped him off. Life has continued to go on. It hasn't been easy, but time keeps going. That's one thing that's nice. Even though I feel like this month of Trey being gone will never end, that's not how time works.

Anyways, last night was the last time I got to hear his voice or receive a text from him for probably 3 weeks. That's how long they'll be in the field. While they do get to come out for a little bit for showers, I'm not sure if I'll hear from him then either. I can hope I will, but I don't want to hope too much because if I don't get to hear from him, I don't want to be too crushed.

So flashback to this morning. I woke up missing him like crazy, knowing that most of what I tell him in texts, he won't read or be able to respond to for quite some time. Tears have been my friend today. But I'm trying not to get into the bad place of being completely torn down by this. It's really not that long, and I know that I need Christ to help me through. Even though it feels like I'm being torn apart.

During my quiet time this morning, I read 1 Timothy 4. It begins by talking about how some people will fall victim to demonic and deceitful teachings and will walk away from their faith. It continues on to describe what these people might fall into believing (no marriage, abstinence from certain foods, etc).

The next 2 verses are what really gave me hope. It reads: "For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer."

He's talking about foods here, and things that God has given us as good, i.e marriage. Now this might be a stretch, but it got me thinking. God is creator of all. He is 100% sovereign over every piece of our lives. This means that even this month of being away from Trey has been made by God. It is for his good, and mine. It is for God's glory. And as much as it hurts, and feels like I'm being torn apart. I am being grown. Sanctification hurts, being away from Trey hurts, but I have faith that what God says in the Bible is 100% true, and that means that this is true for me too. This month is good. Even when it doesn't feel good.

My hope and prayer is that I can seek God and his strength, and trust that he is sanctifying me through this month. I can't do this month alone. Not the separation, or the support raising. None of it. It is only by God's heavenly grace and love that I can make it through, and this gives me hope.

I might hurt like this the rest of the month, I'm not sure, but I know one thing, God grows us through the pain, and everything is created for him and is good. This is good news to me. When I look back on this summer, I want to see where and how God grew me through the pain of being separated from my husband. Where he grew me in my trust and faithfulness during support raising. Where he grew my marriage, and most importantly, where he grew his Kingdom in all of it. I trust this promise and I choose to be thankful for it.