Half Way

Well, we've officially made it halfway! What a praise! Sometimes it feels like it's gone so fast, and other times it feels like it's gone extremely slow. I can't believe it's only been two weeks and a day since he left, yet we feel so close to the end. It's confusing and weird and all the other adjectives that describe a hard to understand thing.

As I sit here in my bed with my puppy sleeping at my feet, I feel the weight of longing for my husband to be here too. To be right next to me in bed, sharing the covers, and enjoying the summer together. This summer has been great, but the end is near, and I feel that in more ways than one.

I want my support raising to be done so badly. But I'm so nervous I don't have enough contacts or haven't talked to enough people to make it to 100% in 3 weeks. That's all I have left in July. 3 weeks. 2 weeks and 2 days and Trey will be home. 3 weeks and support is due.

My need for the Holy Spirit and divine intervention seems so apparent right now. I am not trusting God to bring this to completion. This month, the support raising season, the separation, all of it. If I was I wouldn't be feeling like this. Doomed almost. Like I can't finish in time. Like it'll be forever until I see my husband again. I'm not trusting God for it, and it's causing a deep sadness that I know only the Lord can overcome. And I do trust him to do that.

So I'll choose to continue on. To keep getting out of bed each day. To keep making phone calls and texts. To keep updating Trey and hoping for an update at the end of the day. I choose to trust God. He is faithful when we are faithless (2 Timothy 2:13). And right now, while I don't feel completely faithless, I definitely feel like I'm lacking in it. But I don't want to be.

God has taught me so much in the past few weeks about myself. One of the biggest things that I'm learning right now is that I am faithful, but that faith falters quickly when I can't see the full outcome. But God doesn't show us the full picture. He just shows us the next step in front of us.

I don't know how or who is going to bring my support to 100%. But God knows. And that is enough. Even when I struggle to believe it. It is enough. And I will continue to remind myself of it until I fully understand and believe it. Every step that he gives me is just a glimpse into my full future. God will bring this support to completion. He will get Trey and I to July 25th. And he will prepare us for whatever lies ahead. I believe that, and I'm going to keep on believing it even when I feel down. God is still good, and Christ is still sufficient.